Trial Of Errors
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Making it through some major life changes, Trial Of Errors marks a turning point in my development as a writer.
My first group of lyrics after going blind, I took a different approach with these. Instead of speeding through the writing process, a considerable amount of time was spent editing everything. where past groupings might have taken a few weeks each to complete, this one took about five months.
That also meant a lot of material was written: About 100 ideas were considered until getting whittled down to 50 or so. From there they were chopped to roughly 30 before finally leaving 20 things to choose from. 13 appear here and most of the others are on the leftovers page. (Unfortunately the remaining lyrics were lost at some point so I couldn’t put them in the Fireteddy National Library.)
With the grouping itself, my overall goal was to be a lot more straightforward. Metaphors aren’t used without reason this time around, so nothing sticks out like a sore thumb. In many cases, the language used is purposely less abstract too, making it easier to put more emotion at the forefront.
My favourites are Another Year, She’s Gonna Fall, Regardless, More Of The Same and Joy. Excluding the first one, they’re probably the most mellow lyrics here. Taking everything as a whole though, Trial Of Errors marks the first time I feel like everything is at least good and serves a purpose.
For those interested, you can check out the original version in the Fireteddy National Library. The leftovers I previously mentioned can also be found here.
Lyrics Content
01. Another Year
02. Loaded
03. She’s Gonna Fall
05. Crash And Burn
06. Fear The Reaper
07. Regardless
08. More Of The Same
09. Misconceptions
10. All This Hate
11. Ashes
12. Moving On
13. Joy
Another Year
It’s been caving in my brains
Still carving out my heart
I know it’s been explained
But I don’t know where to start
Dropped off to the side
No moments to reflect
To watch this love subside
But what would you expect?
Another year to waste away
A new disguise to claim
A soul, control, a time to say
It’s really all the same
It’s been flirting with my mind
Still straining to connect
I know it’s far behind
A past I can’t reject
Lost myself in there
To find there’s no way back
You act like you’re not scared
Forgetting to react
Another year to waste away
A new disguise to claim
A soul, control, a time to say
It’s really all the same
Another year to waste away
A new disguise to claim
A heart, a start to fall apart
With someone else to blame
I still can’t feel the pain
Loaded
Start picking up the pieces
It’s time to let it out
No struggling for the reasons
I’m gonna stand and shout
I’m loaded and I’m ready
No time here to back down
The world keeps getting heavy
But you can leave without a sound
It’s time to play a new game, baby
A new game baby, yeah
It’s time to play a new game, baby
A new game baby, yeah
I’ll grab what I can’t steal
It’s time that I break out
I’ll touch what I can’t feel
It’s time to kill these doubts
I’m loaded and I’m waiting
Waiting for a sign
No more sense in contemplating
Let’s leave the past behind
It’s time to play a new game, baby
A new game baby, yeah
It’s time to play a new game, baby
A new game baby, yeah
Give me love ‘cause I’m loaded
For this beautiful explosion
Give me love ‘cause I’m loaded
For this beautiful explosion
Give me love ‘cause I’m loaded
For this beautiful explosion
Give me love ‘cause I’m loaded
‘cause I’m loaded, ‘cause I’m loaded
It’s time to play a new game, baby
A new game baby, yeah
It’s time we play a new game, baby
A new game baby, yeah
A new game baby, yeah
She’s Gonna Fall
She wakes in the morning to start looking for answers
For the questions she struggles to ask
Light pierces her window and feels warm on her body
But she’s cold and forgets it won’t last
So she steps through the hallway and climbs into the shower
Water drips and then rolls down her face
It’s like some kind of beautiful metaphor still waiting
To be discovered and put in it’s place
She’s been thinking again
She’s gonna fall
As she walks to her car, it’s still early morning
She’d cry but she knows there’s no time
So she starts up the engine, puts her car in reverse
Letting on as if everything’s fine
Stuck on the highway, surrounded by traffic
She wonders if this ever ends
She craves the attention still given by strangers
For reasons she can’t comprehend
She’s been thinking again
She’s gonna fall
She says she could drown in a room of her tears
If she started to cry, she’d be crying for years
Refusing to keep what this life’s handed down
Blocking out any sound
When she finally gets home, darkness blankets her room
And shadows all fall to the ground
Watching her back as she slips off her clothing
To make sure that there’s no one around
In a final release once she’s let her guard down
She starts thinking of things that she’ll miss
The ones she’s called lovers and mothers and fathers
Well none of them go on the list
She’s been thinking again
She’s been thinking again
She’s been thinking again
When will they call?
Calm Before The Storm
Pull your night shades down
Pull them all the way
When they see we’re not around
We’ll drift from day to day
And maybe we’ll come back
If we can start it up again
But baby I’ve lost track
So where do I begin?
You kissed me as you cried
And you claimed that you were torn
But I saw it in your eyes
Just the calm before the storm
Grab your dispositions
Drown them in a lake
I don’t know my position
But I’ll hold on ’til I break
The first day you’ll be missed
Second day just hate
They’ll sign you on the list
As your rescue comes too late
You kissed me as you cried
And you claimed that you were torn
But I saw it in your eyes
Just the calm before the storm
Baby I will love you
Then I’ll wanna hate you
When I go to kiss you
That’s when I’ll berate you
Then I’ll go on looking
Until I’ll think it’s something
Push until it kills me
Then I’ll know it’s nothing
I’ll stay inside these memories
The ones I’ll learn to mourn
All rushing to the surface
The calm before the storm
Calm before the storm
Calm before the storm,
Calm before the storm
Calm before the storm
Our calm before the storm
But it’s not calm anymore…
Crash And Burn
You use the world to make your way
Don’t stop to trace your steps
Cheat to live another day
Until there’s nothing left
Puzzles almost never solved
All locked inside your head
Tried so hard to find resolve
When it’s loneliness instead
But this is how you learn
This is how you learn
You get a life to call your own
It’s stranger everyday
While burning all these bridges down
As you drift to fade away
So drink and sleep, don’t turn around
Now you don’t need your friends
You’ll have to learn to miss the sounds
With nothing to defend
But this is how you learn
It’s time to crash and burn
Oh this is how you learn
It’s time to crash and burn
You think you’re gonna change the world
But this world’s been changing you
With a hammer from that head of yours
Well you don’t know what to do
You think that you’re so different now
With these odds you’ can’t defy
Still everyone keeps walking out
As you sit there and you cry
But It’s hardest to discern
When it’s time to crash and burn
Ain’t it hardest to discern?
Now it’s time to crash and burn
Fear The Reaper
Silly little baby
Stupid little girl
Think you’re going crazy
Drowning in the world
Drowning in your tears
Drowning in your fears
Fear the reaper baby
Fear the reaper baby
Let it all hang out
Let it all unfurl
Drowning in your doubts
Sinking with the pearls
Sinking in the sea
Floating like a feather
Things are getting better
Things are getting better
If you look outside your window
You’ll see life’s passed you by
And you know you always win so
You don’t know how to cry
But that’s fine
yeah that’s fine
Silly little baby
daddy’s little girl
must be going crazy
poisoned by the world
Everything you asked for
Asking for some love
Never got enough
Never got enough
If you look outside your window
You’ll see life’s passed you by
And you know you always win so
You don’t know how to cry
But that’s fine
yeah that’s fine
always talking shit
always talking smack
Getting sick of this
Don’t talk back
Really nice to meet ya
little zombie girl
Guess that this’ll teach ya
Guess that this’ll teach ya
Regardless
Waking on the lawn on an early autumn morning
The battle lines were drawn but they never saw the warnings
Tell me were we just that dumb? Tell me were we just naive?
Maybe all the love we built had something up it’s sleeve
Regardless of what happened, we are standing here
Waiting for a magic trickTo help us re-appear
I’m sick and tired of all of that
You can pull a rabbit from your hat
But can you tell us what to believe?
can you tell us what to believe?
Waking in the dirt on a dark and muggy evening
Jumping never hurt, but looks can be deceiving
Tell me were we just that wrong? Tell me were we just that slow?
Well maybe all the love we built was never meant to grow
Regardless of what happened, we are standing still
The pain left from the fall, now it feeds the winter’s chill
They told us all we need is love
But it isn’t what they’re thinking of
So can you tell us what to believe?
Can you tell us what to believe?
Laying on the lawn with nothing there to guard us
Regardless, regardless…
More Of The Same
I try to talk but I can’t speak
There’s nothing left for me to say
The same old things we all repeat
It doesn’t matter anyway
Now it’s time for letting go
Is there time enough for feeling shame?
It’s not a crime to let you know
It’s just a crime to spread the blame
When it’s the same damn thing
When it’s the same damn thing
I try to cry but I’m not sad
Things go left, go left unsaid
Should I regret the things we had?
All the things my hate’s been fed
So if you fall and if you crack
Is love still there to spread it’s wings?
Now you say no turning back
But still you say a lot of things
When it’s the same damn thing
When it’s the same damn thing
Try to find a way to land
Know yourself and know your place
Map it out and make a plan
Start planning your escape
Misconceptions
These holes of misconception
Getting dug up everyday
Got a mind to make perceptions
From the things that people say
Well no one here is perfect
All voices to be heard
With false images asserted
False images and words
So tell me how to know
Exactly what they felt
The thoughts left in this mind
With the feelings that we’re dealt
All pennies in the well
All pennies in the well
I’m only what you think
An image that you own
Keep stepping towards the brink
Then sink down like a stone
I’m villain of the year
For all the things I’ve said
With pressures of the peer
You’ve peered inside my head
So tell me how to know
Exactly what they felt
The thoughts left in this mind
With the feelings that we’re dealt
All pennies in the well
All pennies in the well
I’m exactly what you want
A cartoon image formed
To laugh at and to taunt
With a real self to mourn
So tell me how to know
Exactly what they felt
The thoughts left in this mind
With the feelings that we’re dealt
All pennies in the well
All pennies in the well
All This Hate
All this hate
It fits just great
Can’t concentrate
But that’s okay
All this love
It’s up above
Caught with the doves
But that’s okay
I signed my life away, I signed my life away
I signed my life away, away…
All this hate
Food on my plate
I salivate
But that’s okay
All this stress
I’ll get undressed
Then I’ll confess
This price I’ve paid
I signed my life away, I signed my life away
I signed my life away, away…
This isn’t me, you see, you see
You let it go, you know, you know
This isn’t me, you see, you see
Please believe, believe, believe
All this hate
It suffocates
It radiates
But that’s okay
I signed my life away, I signed my life away…
I signed my life away, away……
Ashes
Climbed up from the ashes
To find that you weren’t there
No answers or reactions
A face that only stares
But that’s fine
That’s still fine
Climbing from the wreckage
I’m crawling at your feet
Looking for acceptance
A time for us to meet
But that’s fine
That’s still fine
You were…
Lovely in your misery
Lovely in your mind
Tell me that we’re meant to be
Tell me that you’re mine
At least this time
At least this time
Rising from the ashes
Looking for some hope
The past is left to fade
But it’s trying hard to cope
But that’s fine
That’s still fine
You were…
Lovely in your misery
Lovely in your mind
Tell me that we’re meant to be
Tell me that you’re mine
At least this time
At least this time
We never crossed that line
Your love was never mine
Oh love was never mine
This love was never mine
Moving On
Is there anything to say?
That hasn’t all been said
You’ve been living in a past life
Now it’s living in your head
Every moment filled with silence
Only giving way to pain
As all of this defiance
It keeps driving you insane
When you think that all is gone
And it’s a struggle to be strong
If you’re waking up in sadness
You should start by moving on
Is there anything to do?
That hasn’t yet been done
You’ve been swimming in the moonlight
Now you’re waiting for the sun
From every revelation
That could bring you to this point
You’re fighting these temptations
By trying to call a coin
When you think that all is gone
And it’s a struggle to be strong
If you’re waking up in sadness
You should start by moving on
When it feels like all is wrong
As the darkness meets the dawn
If you’re waking up in sadness
You should start by moving on
You should start by moving on
You should start by moving on
You should start by moving on
Joy
I feel the breeze blow through my hair
I say these things you wouldn’t dare
Like all these doubts were never there
It’s nice for a change
You look me up, take down my name
With somewhere new to spread the blame
This time I guess it’s not the same
It’s nice for a change
It’s nice for a change
Still your heart’s trapped in the past
Something never meant to last
Now I guess I find it strange
Is there time enough to change?
Everything’s okay and everyone’s alright
Love will get us through the day and sail us through the night
The stars are shining in the sky
I watch them blowout as they die
For once it’s not a cause to cry
It’s nice for a change
It’s nice for a change
Still your heart’s trapped in the past
Something never meant to last
Now I guess I find it strange
Is there time enough to change?
Everything’s okay and everyone’s alright
Love will get us through the day and sail us through the night
I’m sailing through the night
I’m sailing through the night
Been drifting off inside my head
With all this sorrow we’ve been fed
I think it’s time for joy instead
It’s time for a change
It’s time for a change