Sorry For The Mess
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When it comes to this next group of lyrics, it’s a bit hard to describe how I feel about them.
Written between 2003 and 2005, Sorry For The Mess turned into quite the ordeal. It didn’t help that I started on these lyrics immediately after Smokescreens for one. Still, it felt like I was on a creative high and seemed like the right thing to do. Unfortunately, it just let to more problems.
Beginning so quickly after Smokescreens’ completion, it was hard to differentiate the two projects. Not wanting to repeat myself, trying to break free from recent writing habits messed with my head. Going for something straightforward again, my eventual goal was to marry the heartfelt emotion from Smokescreens with some of the less abstract wording on Trial Of Errors. The only problem was that it was very challenging after going so hard in a different direction.
Couple that with a massive bout of writer’s block and it was a recipe for disaster. Contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t automatically mean you lack the ability to write something either. In my case, I just wrote tons of lyrics and wasn’t satisfied with any of them. The more I wrote, the more frustrating and daunting it became to continue: When you think everything you write is garbage, the pressure to write something good becomes enormous. It just compounded my issues and led to a lot of self-doubt.
Halfway through writing the grouping, I actually thought I was done. When this happens, I’ll take a couple of months away from the entire thing and then come back with “fresh eyes.” This allows me to be sure of what I’m putting out there or make some final changes before I do (it’s a practice that may have started with these lyrics actually.)
After coming back to these in 2004 however, I quickly realized they weren’t ready and took everything out of contention. Needless to say, this was very frustrating and didn’t help my confidence whatsoever.
With so much material, it became impossible to tell what was good or bad anymore. A friend from high school who actually writes music looked at some stuff and it helped a lot though. From there, I was able to sift through everything and eventually decided on a running order for the grouping.
Still, the story doesn’t end there. What you’re reading below is what I consider to be the final version of Sorry For The Mess. It wasn’t finalized until being put up on this website and has been tweaked considerably since 2005. Some stuff was cut from the original version while other things that were originally cut got added in the end. It’s definitely been the most difficult thing I’ve ever tried to finish, but it got there… eventually.
When it comes to my favourites, there are surprisingly quite a few. These include All Together, On The Spot, Open Season, Nothing Left To Lose, Another Day and Chloroform. Hilariously enough, the latter wasn’t even included on the original version of the grouping.
Finally, I came up with the title for this entire thing while in the hospital. In January 2005, I was admitted with pneumonia and knocked a bunch of shit off my dining table one day. When the nurse came to clean it up, I apologized by saying “sorry for the mess.” After she left, I thought it’d be a great title since the entire writing process for these lyrics had been such a fiasco. So it’s kind of a meta joke in a way.
For those interested, you can check out the (inferior) original lyrics of Sorry For The Mess in the Fireteddy National Library. Additional lyrics that didn’t make the cut can also be found here.
Lyrics Content
01. All Together
02. On The Spot
03. Far Behind
05. Argument
06. Out Of Touch
07. Open Season
10. Another Day
11. Chloroform
All Together
Here we are again
My one and only friend
As past mistakes collide
Another year subsides
Strangers when we met
Corrupted by regret
So this is where it starts
All together, fall apart
Stumbling through our dreams
While bursting at the seams
The wounds will be erased
In time to be replaced
It’s only simple math
That cuts down every path
So this is where it starts
All together, fall apart
All together, fall apart
This is who you are
You never venture very far
Always on a star
To wash away these scars
This is who we are
We never venture very far
Always on a star
To wash away our scars
To wash away our scars
So this is where it starts
All together, fall apart
On The Spot
She stares me down from across the room
Takes her time while my mind’s consumed
It’s Hard to think, much less hard to breathe
Her swaying hips made like nicotine
Walking in, destination fixed
With pale white skin and blood red lips
Midnight hair and cold blue eyes
My heart rate climbs when she comes inside
She’s in my veins and I’m going down fast now
A moth to flame, yeah I’ve lost control somehow
On the spot, well she has me on the ground
But I’m too dumb not to stick around
She steps inside, ready for the kill
While lightning flashes from her needle chill
An acid trip as temptation strains
Bones still aching when she calls my name
She’s in my veins and I’m going down fast now
A moth to flame, yeah I’ve lost control somehow
On the spot, well she has me on the ground
But I’m too dumb not to stick around
I’m too dumb not to stick around
In the morning I’m still lying here
Soaked in sweat, only bound by fear
Though she’s gone, I’m still paralyzed
Catatonic and I’ve lost my mind
She’s in my veins and I’m going down fast now
A moth to flame, yeah I’ve lost control somehow
On the spot, well she has me on the ground
But I’m too dumb not to stick around
I’m too dumb not to stick around
I’m too dumb not to stick around
Far Behind
For the first time I remember
I saw stars out in September
I was basking in the moonlight
As my thoughts began to lose sight
I was laying on the front lawn
When the daylight here was long gone
While my thoughts began to quicken
Pretty soon the plot would thicken
Why did I waste my time?
I dared to cross that line
But now it’s far behind
Now it’s far behind
As we moved into October
With the devil on our shoulders
From the stories we’d created
Reproduced and fabricated
Was it something in the air then?
That would leave us unprepared when
We would finally meet our ending
In the fall to stop pretending
Why did I waste my time?
I dared to cross that line
But now it’s far behind
Now it’s far behind
I could see it in the way you smiled
You left me here alone in my denial
With all the chances I refused to take
Bad habits that I couldn’t break
Porcelain skin and heart of stone
You left me hanging by the telephone
It’s my mistake because this love was fake
Now I’m forsaking it, forsaking it today
Why did I waste my time?
I dared to cross that line
But now it’s far behind
Now it’s far behind
Well now it’s far behind
Now it’s far behind
Standing Defeated
Charged to be running
With a beauty so stunning
A prisoner shackled in chains, it’s all the same
Waking up shaking
With this force overtaking
As the sympathy’s starting to wane, it’s in my brain
But that was the problem, When it seemed we had lost ’em
That’s when we both grew apart
A chance we could take, a habit to break
A mistake we ignored from the start
So here I stand and I’m defeated
The cycle’s abused and the pattern’s repeated
While I’m not waiting, maybe I’m shaking
Standing defeated as slowly she’s fading
Down until she’s out
Down until she’s out
From her dreams she awakens
Still startled and shaken
As a voice filters in through her mind, A valentine
My reputation’s been altered
Because my silence insults her
She says that it’s harder to find, we’ve crossed the line
So as my conscience protests, a heavy weight on my chest
Is in place of where she rested her head
They said it was love, shooting stars up above
But now they’re all shooting it dead
So here I stand and I’m defeated
The cycle’s abused and the pattern’s repeated
While I’m not waiting, maybe I’m shaking
Standing defeated as slowly she’s fading
Down until she’s out
Down until she’s out
I wanted to get there
But now it’s too late
No reasons to struggle
So I’ll stay in my place
Maybe she’s leaving
Or maybe she’ll stay
I’ll never know
I’ll never know
So here I stand and I’m defeated
The cycle’s abused and the pattern’s repeated
While I’m not waiting, maybe I’m shaking
Standing defeated as slowly she’s fading
Down until she’s out
Down until she’s out
Down until she’s out
Down until she’s out
Argument
This is where it ends
Good friends, I guess that it depends
We’re holding onto sinking ships
Tight grips until you slip again
Maybe in our aftermath
The path still helped with your relapse
A bandage that you bought
For naught, exhausted once again
Heart in your hand
To watch it all collapse
Do I understand?
Exactly what you meant
I guess there’s some dissent
It’s just an argument again
Now I’m not so sure
Which way it could’ve went
I guess there’s some dissent
It’s just an argument again
This is how it starts
A heart to slowly come apart
But maybe if we just stood still
The hills would lead us to the stars
Strangers in a fake disguise
To hide beneath our last demise
From every single thing you said
You fed for me to be misled
Heart in your hand
Where mine should be instead
Do I understand?
Exactly what you meant
I guess there’s some dissent
It’s just an argument again
Now I’m not so sure
Which way it could’ve went
I guess there’s some dissent
It’s just an argument again
Nobody knows a thing
What a bright one, it’s so promising
It’s at the point where I can’t see
But I still know what you mean to me
Do I understand?
Exactly what you meant
I guess there’s some dissent
It’s just an argument again
Now I’m not so sure
Which way it could’ve went
I guess there’s some dissent
It’s just an argument again
It’s just an argument again
It’s just an argument again
Out Of Touch
The last few months of silence
With nothing in between
Sell yourself for a piece of it
Or sit and just recede
Waking up at midnight
With decaying thoughts of sleep
I would sell it off for slumber
But I want you next to me
I don’t go outside, no I don’t talk that much
I barely use the telephone, conversation’s a crutch
I’m out of touch, I’m out of touch
While the year was slowly crawling
Now it’s grinding to a stop
Maybe things will turn around soon
Or just fall off from the shock
Waiting on some changes
For the things that never come
I hold my breath and count to ten
Until I just feel numb
I don’t go outside, no I don’t talk that much
I barely use the telephone, conversation’s a crutch
I’m out of touch, I’m out of touch
Nothing’s all that different
But nothing’s quite the same
I’m standing by the window
To see you walk away
See you walk away
See you walk away
Open Season
I’ve got my reservations
You say there’s nothing wrong
It’s all so complicated
But still you move along
I think that you’re mistaken
These things just get so strange
Forgotten and forsaken
Forsaking every change
I’d like to be with you
Fall back, now what to do?
You’re only someone new
To mess me up again
Mess me up again
Mistook this love for lusting
You don’t know what I need
In you a heart so trusting
I hold my heart to bleed
They’re all so parasitic
Force-fed on what I say
Still struggling to admit it
I think I’ve lost my way
I’d like to be with you
Fall back, now what to do?
You’re only someone new
To mess me up again
Mess me up again
So now it’s open season
Take a shot, you don’t need a reason
You know they say that seeing is believing
You don’t need a reason
Don’t need a reason
Don’t need a reason
Don’t need a reason
Repeat This Lullaby
I wonder when I’ll hear your voice
You left me here without a choice
Now All I get is static
With a little bit of noise
We’re so unsure of what to do
But maybe that’s all up to you
I’m fading into winter
As my lips start turning blue
Well no one seems to have it worse
Than you and so you’ll have to curse
This night lit up with your goodbyes
But if you stopped then we could try
Some shadows creep across the day
It makes no difference anyway
Sheltered from our darkest nights
In so many shades of grey
Now maybe somewhere in the past
When all the leading roles were cast
Born to be Shakespearean
You could hide behind a mask
Well no one seems to have it worse
Than you and so you’ll have to curse
This night lit up with your goodbyes
But if you stopped then we could try
To repeat this lullaby
Repeat this lullaby
So if nothing were the same
Would you still call out my name?
All alone, the telephone
It never rings, it never rings
Well no one seems to have it worse
Than you and so you’ll have to curse
This night lit up with your goodbyes
But if you stopped then we could try
To repeat this lullaby
Repeat this lullaby
Repeat this lullaby
Repeat this lullaby
Nothing Left To Lose
One day you will see
Inside your destinies
Inside you they’ll unfold
And in that moment you will know
When hell starts breaking loose
I’ll be waiting there for you
As this static overflows
That’s when you will know
It wasn’t easy letting go
Was it easy letting go?
One day in the fire
With your shadows and desires
With nothing left to show
That’s when you will know
One day you will call
I’ll build you suburbs and the mall
These distances will grow
And in that moment you will know
It wasn’t easy letting go
Was it easy letting go?
The intentions get confused
All misguided and abused
Now there’s nothing left to lose
It’s all we ever do
It’s all we ever do
It’s all we ever do
It’s all we ever…
Another Day
You feed me lovely lines
It’s happened ’bout 6 times
Your voice can’t change the fact
There’s no way I’ll be back
Not wanting this is fine
But now you’re wasting time
This wish could never be
It’s all just fantasy
I’d really like to call you
But there’s nothing much to say
I’d like to think I’m through with you
But my thoughts get in the way
Can’t it wait?
Can’t it wait another day?
In fear of hurting me
It seems you couldn’t see
There’s damage that you’ve done
So now I’m set to run
Well maybe that’s okay
Some feelings fade away
I’m standing in the rain
But why should I complain?
I’d really like to call you
But there’s nothing much to say
I’d like to think I’m through with you
But my thoughts get in the way
Can’t it wait?
Can’t it wait another day?
You feed me lovely lines
It’s happened ’bout 6 times
Your voice can’t change the fact
There’s no way I’ll be back
Although it might be tough
I’ve been here long enough
I know that I can’t stay
Why wait another day?
I know that I can’t stay
Why wait another day?
Chloroform
Every time I drive away
This sunset fades to yesterday
While every cycling thunderstorm
Arrives with rain like chloroform
Coming down with fractured sleep
For scattered secrets left to keep
The sun, the moon, the stars for you
Drifting off and out of view
If tonight I don’t feel something
In the morning I’ll be gone
Imperfect places for imperfect lives
But now it won’t be long
Now it won’t be long
Retracing steps beneath the moon
Some stars could lead me back to you
But past obstructions still remain
These midnight clouds revealing rain
As winding roads and interstates
Cause complex hearts to grow irate
They’re overworked and built to flood
All drowning with what can’t be won
If tonight I don’t feel something
In the morning I’ll be gone
Imperfect places for imperfect lives
But now it won’t be long
Now it won’t be long
Now it won’t be long
I swear it won’t be long